Megaman Zero SUPERCONDENSED
by Dominus Princeps
Summary: In Honor of Revokov's infinitely excellent Supercondensations, I bring you...THIS!
1. MMZ 1 Supercondensed

**Bass GSX: **Hey, folks, me again.

**Phil: **Yeah, it's us...who're we?

**Marcus: **Forget it.

**Pent: **Where are we?

**Sonic:** Megaman authoring section.

**Bass GSX: **In honor of Revokov's INCREDIBLE Supercondensed series, I would like to bring you...MEGAMAN ZERO SUPERCONDENSED!

**Sonic: **He doesn't own Megaman Zero, or the Supercondensed idea.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_It's 100 FRICKIN' years after X and Zero WHUPPED UP on BIGBADEVILGOLDSigma._

**Ciel****: **We have to get to Zero!  PLOTLINE and all that.

**Soldiers: **Okay.

_BUTBUTBUT, they underestimated the power of Cyclops death robots.  Zero MAGICALLY comes to LIFE and KICKS all the asses of the robots with his MAD SNIPING SKILLZ._

**Zero: **Who's the bitch now?

**Cyclopses****: **FUX0R, we'll get you next time

_Suddenly, a giant robot appears, but Zero beats it down with his new Z-saber he got from a COMPUTER._

**Bill Gates: **HOLY CRAP I gotta make me one of those!

**Zero: **Who's the bitch NOW?

_However, when he RESTURNS with Ciel, he finds out all is NOT what it seems..._

**Ciel****: **I need you to be an errand boy.

**Zero: **_Bizawizotch__!_

_Zero KICKS the HAIRY ASSES of several bosses, and returns to find more bosses._

**Ciel****: **Oh, no...big bad MEANIE bosses.  I think you can do it, but be careful yeah right LIKE I CARE.

**Zero: **Okay.

_Zero realizes that these bosses are INCREDIBLY PREDICTABLE but DIES fighting them several times._

**Fefnir****: **Hah, Zero, you're red like me but you still suck.

**Zero: ** Oh, yeah? (_kills__ him_)

**Fefnir****: **Crap.  _He dies._

_Zero then gets MYSTERIOUSLY (not really) asked to come to the other bosses._

**Harpuia****: **I'm bad, I'm bad!  Not only am I difficult to beat, my name is unpronounceable!

**Zero: **Like that last word? (_kills__ him_)

**Harpuia****: **FUX0R, I'll be back...

_Some BIZNATCH is setting EXPLODINGBOMBSOFCUDDLYDEATH at the factory..._

**Phantom: **Grrrr, I'm a gigantic coward!

**Zero: **Who cares? (_kills__ him_)

**Phantom: **Oh, yeah?  _He dies._

_Zero then moves on to the Lair of the Fox..._

**Leviathan: **Hey, pretty boy...

**Zero: **Whoa, damn!  You're hot!

**Leviathan: **HAH!  You have fallen for my womanly charm! (_she__ kills him_)

**Zero: **Shit, where's Dr. Light's upgrades when ya need 'em?

_Because it's a VIDEO GAME, Zero MAGICALLY comes BACK to LIFE.  But, he has to PAY a LIFE TOKEN THINGY._

**Zero: **HAHAHA!  I'm back.

**Leviathan: **WTF?

**Zero: **Although you are unbelievably hot, I must kill you.  _He does._

**Leviathan: **Aww...right when we got to the good part..._She dies._

**Zero: **Alright, Mr. Mysterious Villain, I'm getting bored...

_A weird sparkly thing comes and makes weird MUZAK, but then "opens" up NEO __ARCADIA__, the most RETARDED name for a BADGUYLAIR ever._

**Zero: **Man, these missions are getting gay.

_Suddenly, the door OPENS and reveals a GIANTBADSLUGSLUDGETHINGOFDEATH (and General Unhappiness)._

**Sludge Thing: **Glorp!  Glob, blug borp, yak!

**Zero: **Yeah, whatever. _(kills it)_

**ST: **Boo hoo.

_This MAGICALLY makes the FINAL DOOR to Gay Lair open UP.  A bunch of the EASY bad PEOPLE are behind ELEVATOR DOORS._

**Bosses: **Look at us!  We're good as new!

_UNFORTUNATELY for them, Zero KICKS their asses AGAIN._

**Zero: **Who's the bitch _NOW_?!

_THEN, MORE doors open MYSTERIOUSLY and Zero makes it to the BADMEANEVILWEIRDLOOKING-X copy._

**Four Guardians: **Nyah, nyah!  We won't let you past!

**Zero: **_Bizzlewizzledizzleinthehizzlefoshizzleniznatchnotchniotches__!_

_After Zero utters this BIZZARRE and MESSED UP word, COPY X appears, NOT even looking REMOTELY cool._

**Copy X: **Tremble with terror, you are finished!

**Zero: **Piss off. (_kills__ him_)

**Copy X: **You killed me, now I get all scary and shit!  _He does._

**Zero: **DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!

_While Zero has MAD HACKING SKILLZ, his ATTEMPTS are FUTILE.  All he gets is BADLY HURT and Copy X gets nastier._

**Copy X: **GAHAHAHAAHA!

**Zero: **_DIE, please!_

_HOWEVER, Zero gets an INCREDIBLY lucky SHOT and KILLS Copy X._

**Copy X: **I may have lost, but you still suck donkeys!

**Zero: **Dunno, don't care!

_The WHOLE place goes KABOOMIES, and Zero only BARELY makes it out.  As he faceplants into the sand, SPARKLYSHINYNICEPRETTY X appears._

**Hologram X: **Zero, this world is hard.  I don't like fighting, and you're...not listening.  Whatever.  _He leaves._

**Cyclopses****: **Hey, Zero, guess who?

**Zero: **Uhh...DIE? (_kills__ them all_)

_SUDDENLY, there's a REALLY POINTLESS CUTSCENE._

**Zero: **_WHO'S THE BITCH NOW?_

**_THE CREDITS ROLL_**

****

**Zero: **Alright, I'm serious, who **is** the bitch now?****


	2. MMZ 2 Supercondensed

**Bass GSX: **You like me, you REALLY LIKE ME!

**Phil: **Uh-huh...yeah, whatever.

**Marcus:** The author got MMZ2!

**Ratchet:** That means another chappie!

**Clank:** Agreed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_After Zero beat Copy X with his EXCELLENT powers, he decided to WANDER around in a __CAPE__ looking like BASS from MEGAMAN __BATTLE__ NETWORK._

**Bass:** Hey, that's MY cloak!

_SUDDENLY, the CYCLOPSES come and attack POOR BABY Zero._

**Cyclopses****: **We're _baaaaaaack__!_

**Zero: **Oh, no!  I'm all scratched and shit!  _He is._

_UNFORTUNATELY for the Cyclopses, Zero has RETAINED the ability to FIRE a GUN._

**Zero:** (_Arnold Schwartzenegger_) Hasta la vista, baybee! (_fires__ at least 700 shots)_

**Cyclopses****: **HOLY CRAPIZZLE!

_Zero travels through the MESSED UP deserty type place ONLY to FIND more giant BITCHES._

**Robot:** (generic monotone) Grr, thizzle jizzle I willizzle defeat you, punkizzle.

**Zero: **Pardon?  _He kills the robot._

**Robot: **Umm, bleah.  _He dies._

_Then, Zero fights NASTIMEENBADDN00BScorpion._

**Scorpion:** I have a long, hard thing which I like.

**Zero:** GAAH!  (_Kills him)_

**Scorpion: **Aww, you penetrated me!  _(dies)_

_The PROBLEM is, Zero FORGOT to TIE his SHOES, and FALLS over...and CAN'T GET UP._

**Zero: **Shit.

_Some loser PUNKS find Zero FACEPLANTED on the GROUND much later..._

**Soldiers: **Hey, look!  It's the ice-cream man!

**Ciel****:** No, you fools, that's my errand boy!  GET HIM!  _They do._

_Later, Zero wakes up in a STAR TREK STASIS TANK._

**Zero: **GAAH!  Picard!

**Ciel****: **Remember me?

**Zero: **Oh, great, you're the freaky pink biotch...

_On his way to the CRAPPER, Zero sees Elpisshead, the KING of the DUMASES._

**Elpizo****: **Zero, it is nice to meet you!  _He makes a gay motion with his hand._

**Zero: **If I had a gun, I'd shoot you.  Oh, wait I _do_ have a gun!

_UNFORTUNATELY for Zero, Elpizo gives him LOTS of MISSIONS before he can shoot him._

**Zero: **_Bizawizotch__!_

_The missions are annoyingly SIMILAR to X4 levels but CAPCOM decided that they were GOOD enough to REPEAT with DIFFERENT baddies._

**Capcom: **Hey, man, you bought it.

**Zero: **Have I been here before?

_LUCKILY, like the LAST time, the bosses SUCK.  Zero MOPS the FLOOR with their ASSES._

**Panther-type Guy:** Aww, pooey.

**Zero: **To put it simply, **WHO'S THE BITCH NOW?!**

_Zero gets PARTY INVITATIONS from the Four-err, Three Guardians to come PLAY with them._

**Three Guardians: **We're baaaaaaack!

**Zero:** I'm just going to kick your asses again, ya know?  _He does._

**Three Guardians: **FUX0R, we'll get you Zero!  And your little ELVES, too!  _They don't._

_Just as Zero gets the chance to take a dump, Elipizoe goes crackers._

**Elpizo****:** GIGGLEGIGGLEGIGGLEGIGGLE!

**Zero: **Aww, man...not another one.

_Zero has to head BACK to SAN FRANCISCO/NEO __ARCADIA__ because Eelpiesoo TOLD him to.  He MEETS up with the THREE BADASS GUARDIANS._

**EvilDemonMotorcycleFefnir****: **(_Biker Dude_) Time to get rollin'!

**Zero: **HOLY-

_Zero BARELY avoids becoming ROADKILL by SLASHING Fefnir's TIRES.  BUTBUTBUT, things are FAR from BETTER when Zero STUPIDLY decides to SKINNY DIP in the Gay Lair POOL._****

**DeathSubLeviathanChick****:** (_Pirate_) Asshole off the port bow, Captain!

**Zero:** Where?  (_Runs her through with his Saber)_

**Leviathan:** I thought...(_dies_)

**Zero: **You thought WRONG.

_Then, Zero heads for the BAZAHR LAYZIR TIMPIL.  He meets up with CAPTAIN PICARD._

**BIGJETDOOMHARPUIA: **(_Star Trek_)FIRE PHOTON TORPEDOES!  _He does._

**Zero: **SHITSHITSHIT!  (_dies_)

_LUCKILY, Zero has SPARE LIVES._

**Zero:** Thank God.  You die now!

**HARPUIA:** Oh, yeah? (_farts__, then blows up_)

**Zero:** BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

_FINALLY, Zero goes to Ilpizza's LAIR and comes upon the MOST OVERUSED CONCEPT in Megaman HISTORY: The Room With All The Brand-New-Fresh Bosses._****

**Bosses:** YAY!  We're back!

**Zero:** (_kills them ALL_) Heh, fools.

_Zero then goes to Eilbizbo's PERSONAL room.  He sees Melbusso STANDING there with his "little friends", who TURN Belldizzo into SCARYFREAKYWEIRDMESSEDUPGAYROCKNiltrisso._****

**Elpizo****:** Prepare to die, bitch!

**Zero:** Who _are_ you people?

_Zero has ENOUGH sanity after FIGHTING the BOSSES again to KNOW that Dilwizzdo is MURDEROUS as HELL.  Zero dodges ATTACKS and gets a FEW hits._

**Elpizo****:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!  _Now,_ I get scarier!  _He DOES._

_The DARK ELF, who was PARTYING with his BUDS earlier, comes down and turns Wilkissu into a FREAKIN' DEMENTED Ninja Star, otherwise known as: SHURIKENPOINTYBADSCREWEDBADEVILBAD**DOOM**...THING._

**BLUEBADWIZWANKO: **(_Big Gay Al, Southpark_) Hey, big guy!  WANNA DANCE?

**Zero:** Is "no" a bad answer?

_UNFORTUNATELY for Zero, it IS.  Big Gay Alpizzo is PISSED, to say the LEAST.  He goes into an attack FRENZY, sending little messed up MINIONS after Zero, who gets his ass KICKED.  Zero is FORCED to use Plan KDJFBSDLHFBLLKDBFLK.5, a DESPERATE but KILLER tactic that was originally used in WWII, called by some, the BBB, or BIG BADASS BOMB.  It is known to the GENERAL PUBLIC as the A-BOMB._

**Zero:** (_Rambo_) Time to blow this joint!  _He does._

_Zero is prepared to GO DOWN WITH THE SHIP, but widdle X-ey WX-ey comes to RUIN the MOMENT._

**X: **Zero!  I'm here to save you!

**Zero:** (_whispering out of the side of his mouth_) Dickhead, you ruined my scene!

_But, X is SOOOOOOOOO SHINY he blinds Delsissy and makes him hit his HEAD on a BIGASS ROCK._

**Elpizo****:** (_Darth Vader_) The Force is strong with this one...(_dies_)

**X: **(_stereotypical_ _teenage chick_)_NOW, _he gets pretty, like me!

_Nilfrizzo__ DOES.  HOWEVER, he also RIPS a HOLE in the SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM._

**"Cyber"-Elves:** (_Wizard of Oz_) Ding-dong, Elpizo's dead!  Which Elpizo?  The Wicked Elpizo!

**Zero:** Oh, GAWD!

**_THE CREDITS ROLL._**

**MYSTERIOUS-type voice:** I think I'll act like **Sigmama** and giggle!  _He DOES._

**Zero:** If Capcom gives me another surprise, I'll scream my catch phrase.

**Capcom:** Thank you for playing.

**Zero:** **_WHO'S THE BITCH NOW?!_**


End file.
